my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
