shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
