i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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