I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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