I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
