I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i think i have two assholes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
