oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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