So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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