I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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