I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
