I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
