North Korea, Best Korea!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
