sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
