I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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