I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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