shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
