this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
