We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
