Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
