the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
