I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
