In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Less talking, more tequila
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
