What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
