I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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