Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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