So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
