He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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