Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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