Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
