Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
