evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We had to coat check the pizza.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
