I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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