I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize