I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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