i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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