wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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