he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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