Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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