Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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