you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
