im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
