no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
