I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
