WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
