We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
