I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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