I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
