I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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