Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
