i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My vagina is officially offended.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
