happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i drank out of a bidet.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
