I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize