she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
