no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
