I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
