when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
