How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
