Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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