i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
