He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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