Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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