I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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