brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
