sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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