Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
