So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
