White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize