I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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