Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
