fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
